Loss

There are moments in life when you wish you could bring someone down from heaven, you wish you could go back to before you lost them, to when you were able to spend time with them, feel the warmth of their presence, listen to them laugh, hear their voice penetrate you, go through you like it's warm soup to your cold, hungry soul. You wish you could just bring some of the days back, when you could talk to them, hug them, kiss them, make them feel how much you love them and how important they are to you. You wish you would have done that more often, you wish you could do that again, at least one more time, one last time. 

There are moments in life when you feel like someone was everything in your life, like everything revolved around them and everything is falling apart without them. You feel that with them gone, it's the end of the world already and you are just trapped, trapped in a dilemma of loss and fear. You feel that life is failing you, life is harsh, life is unfair. You don't want this. You don't want to be in this world if they are not in it. You don't want to move on without them. You think you can't. You think they were air, they were light. Like the world would come crashing in upon you and you just lay there, in the darkness, missing them, wishing they were there, still wishing you could bring them back.

There are moments in life when you feel that someone has been taken away from you in the cruelest, most painful and spiteful way there is. You lose them but then you are the one who ends up lost. You feel incomplete, broken, destroyed. You wish you never got there. You are filled with all the mixed feelings of sorrow, anger and regret. You wish you understood. You wish you knew more. You wish you knew the last time was the last time. But you never know, and you never will. You still wish you could go back.

There are moments in life when you wish someone was never gone. You wish you never lost them. You think you lost them forever, but no, you didn't, you will meet again. You will meet every time you close your eyes. Just close your eyes, you will find them. They are around you, they didn't die, they don't die, they live. They live in every memory in your head and every feeling in your heart. They live in every mark they left in your life and the lives of others, in every change they made, every impression they left, every idea they created. They live. They live around you, they live with you, within you, inside you. They will always live inside you, until you meet again.

There are moments in life when you can't yet realize what you are dealing with, you can't wrap your head around it, you can't fully understand. You think the pain is unbearable, you think the ache inside you grows deeper, not better. You think you can't withstand it anymore, you can't handle it, you can't survive, but you can, and you will. Loss is hard but inevitable. Letting go is hard but inevitable. You don't let go of the people, but you let go of the pain. You set yourself free of all the agony, free of all the distress, of all the soreness inside you and instead seek your well-being, find ease, find comfort. Find comfort in accepting the inevitable. Find comfort in a prayer. Pray for yourself, pray for them, pray for life. Pray for hope instead of despair. You know then that you can't go back and you get to live, so live. Live and never give up, never cave in, never surrender to loss, although it's hard. It's tough, complicated, grinding and hard. Hard but inevitable.

Emptiness Fulfilled

I wrote this a while back and now I am posting it upon a special request from a person who has stood by me through thick and thin. 

Just for you, Sama Tarek. Thank you for being a believer. 

Have you ever felt that void in your heart, like a hole that can never be filled, emptiness, just emptiness inside you? A space that nothing can easily fill.
Have you ever felt that longing to full satisfaction, that urge, that solid desire to take off looking for the very thing that can make you feel whole again?
Is it possible to find such thing in somebody's eyes?
The look you get, that makes you feel rich, loaded, that compensates the missing part of your heart.
Is it possible to be genuinely overwhelmed by a person, carried away by every little line forming the curve of their smile? That this smile, this precise same smile could move bits inside you, covering the emptiness, blocking the hole present within your self?
Your thirst to reach satisfaction has been quenched, your boundless, never-ending greed towards fulfillment has been completely appeased. You are fixed, healed of all the sorrows. You are safe again, and that feeling of comfort takes over the hollowness, just because of one person, one captivating smile, and one absolutely affectionate look through gracious, exquisitely faultless eyes.

Breakout

So, here's my first blog post. My breakout. How I let go.

Let go. Let go and don't hold back.
Don't be a caged bird and bottle up your songs.
Don't let people hear only one melody.
Speak out with your sweet voice, sing your ideas, let out your thoughts, color the world with all the melodies you feel.
Don't let them cage you, don't let them imprison you with their rules.
Break them. Break the rules and fly away. Break the cages, untie the strings. Release the strains and be free.
Take risks, venture, experiment, try. Fly where you want to fly and see with your own little eyes.
See for yourself, don't trust their lies. Don't let them show you only what they want you to see.
Don't let them captivate your views. Don't let them limit your choices.
Don't let them deny you the opportunities.
Fly to all the different places, observe all the different sights, notice all the different things, rejoice in all the different details.
Rebel, revel. Revel in the delicacy of the air around you. Absorb it in, and let it out.
Don't let your music live only within your heart. Share your music. Share your visions.
Spread your wings and sing along. Fly close and fly far.
Be independent, unconstrained, unenslaved.
The world needs you.
The world is yours, not theirs.
At least not theirs alone.